Not the way to my heart OR knickers…

Random guy: Good morning!
Me: Hello there, how are you?
Random guy: I’m good thanks, I’ve been auditioning burlesque girls lately. Would you like to audition?
Me: Audition? For What? A show?
Random guy: haha! No, to be my submissive.
Me: er… thanks, but you’re a bit far away. If you’d like to see me perform I’m doing the next D—– night, should be a good night!
Random guy: I should warn you, I’m an escort and I used to do films.
Me: I take it by films you mean porn? Ok.
Random guy: I’m a large guy.
Me: you mean you’re fat or that you have a big cock?
Random guy: The latter.
Me: Are you fat?
Random guy: Slim. This should help {url taking me to his adult network page featuring shots of his proud member “the old chap” both standalone, and in action}
Me: Well done you. I have to go and, um, do something else now. Have a good day.
Random guy: catch you later xx
Me: *facepalm*

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