My, how the lay of the land has changed.

The sexually confident vixen within has been buried a little too well in the face of my last relationship. 7 weeks on from the end of a long-term relationship and she doesn’t exactly leap straight to the surface when beckoned…

I’m  working on it: after some strange little dance I no longer recognise a friend/on-off fuckbuddy has volunteered his services in overcoming my post-relationship sex-related nervousness. There’s a lot to be said for someone you know and implicitly trust bringing you to massive and messy repeated orgasms. He withheld sex interestingly enough, probably (I think) due to a combination of wanting to tease a little for next time and a desire to not give himself away too easily.

The latter is a feature I congratulate him on and desperately hope to emulate some day. My will power needs a lot more work on that front though, as my most recent date proves. Having been amused by someone’s OKCupid profile I instigated contact and flirty emails then texts were sent followed by a ‘date’. Well, a meeting in a pub which turned into a bit of a bar crawl. I had spoken to friends about my absolute desire not to sleep with this man on the first meeting as I so dearly wanted to be chased, persued and generally made to feel desirable without having given up the goodies in my pants.

I completely failed. We went back to my place and had fantastic sex. Plenty of energy, variety, hair pulling and biting (also the phrase “Good girls bend at the knees, bad girls bend at the waist” as he bent me over the table was quite delish) all finished with a face covered in cum. Nice.

Problem now is, I appear to give a toss if he replies to my texts or not. I don’t want this to be the case. I want to absolutely not care but somewhere a rebounding bunch of emotions have got in the way. I am assured this emo-state will pass, which I look forward to as it’s currently very annoying. For a while I was very upset with myself for not withholding but I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to leave any part of my body as a mystery, it is for enjoying. My mind’s unknown terrain is much more interesting to explore.

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