…I had to pick Iain. As has already been addressed in an earlier post there is a very good reason not to schtup this guy. (My ex with whom I have worked so hard on maintaining a friendship with after I broke his heart is a very close friend of Iain’s.) Yet we just keep ending up in bed. I tell you what though: it’s fantastic. I have of course wondered if this is down to the forbidden nature of the affair, but it’s so much more than that. This guy ticks a lot of boxes

• readily available – he lives just around the corner and has so far never not been up for a visit.
• easy to hang out – we’re friends, and we can act like such with no awkwardness.
• he has his own place – he’s not been here and I like that, that would somehow make the betrayal of my ex much worse.
• enjoys kissing – remarkably rare recently, and he will always shave when I come around to save my poor delicate skin! What a gent.
• fun in bed – sex with laughter can be so wonderful. There’s no kink there but that doesn’t bother me given the context of our interactions.
• high sex drive  – I’m very much enjoying a reawakening of libido as is he.
• holds me happily – this man will wrap me in his arms and squeeze me tight as we fall asleep and when he wakes up will pull me towards him to do it again. The warm glow of security that comes from being held like that is just about as pleasant as mornings can get!

But I feel so incredibly selfish for risking my friendship with my ex for these warm fuzzies. That said, I know that while Iain continues to make me feel so damn wonderful I won’t stop and neither will he most likely. He’s mentioned before that he thinks my ex would never speak to him again if he found out. Probably neither of us.

Knowing myself the way I do, I know the one way to get off this hamster wheel of toe-curling orgasms is to find someone to take his place. Easier said than done! As we’ve seen, that’s a lot of boxes to tick. When I’m astride that man I feel like a vixen, bringing him to orgasms that render him briefly blind is a fair ego boost and I can almost see myself undulating  over his cock, teasing, cumming, cumming again, body firm and proud as if I’m in some French arthouse film. Wandering naked around his exposed-brickwork, bare floor-boards, spot-lit batchelour pad the sense of liberation is intoxicating.

There’s no potential relationship with this man despite all the plus points, as a boyfriend we just wouldn’t get on – probably too similar to my ex in fairness, which makes sense. Therefore this needs knocking on the head sharpish, and so I find myself browsing yet more online dating profiles. It’s so time-consuming trying to find the perfect lay!