As time passes I learn more and more about myself, yet new people I meet have to start from scratch. I guess this is what makes old friends so great, friendship strengthened through time and shared experience. This is not an excuse that I’m preparing for the following, just an observation.
And the following is pretty inexcusable: I slept with my ex. The one I’ve been rebuilding a friendship with after 4 years ago breaking his heart. The one I could never have a satisfying physical relationship with despite loving him a great deal. The one that is friends with Iain, the guy I’ve been shtupping on the sly.
Even for me this is quite a big mistake. In my defence, he walked me home from a bar when I could no longer speak because I had celebrated the sunshine with a full day’s drinking with friends. I was amazingly drunk and he asked if I wanted a cuddle. I think I was being wilfully naive to think that is what it would be. Safe to say, I’m not proud.
My friend held a BBQ a couple of days later which we were both at, it was a strained casualness between us, and I wasn’t ready to be left alone with him but we did ok. I don’t know what I’ll say if he ever mentions it, hopefully I’ve got plenty of time to figure that out!